I Couldn't find the Words

I sit here right now trying to find the words. During the night my head was full of poetry. I was trying to write a poem about the tragedy in Connecticut. Nothing would come. Then this morning, it was time to go to Mass. I walked into the Church and vowed to just leave my sorrow there. The manger had been put up since I was last there...it is one of my favorite things for the Christmas season. I love seeing it, minus the babe, with the Angel on the top of the brick wall just behind. The star isn't lit yet...waiting for Christmas Eve. I went alone, because Joe had to go last night. I found a place to sit in "our" row. The pianist played a medley of Christmas songs, so beautiful,  and the service started. I was starting to feel in the spirit, so to speak. When it was time for the homily...our Priest started talking about the shooting and how tragic it was...but then he went into some his political views. It spoiled the rest of the service for me.I don't often feel this way at Mass and I would never complain about it to people whom I have never met, but today I wanted more. More words of comfort...more words to tell us how this can happen. How can our Lord allow innocent children to be slaughtered? I needed answers....we all need answers.I think that  God is closest to us when we are asking why then perhaps any other time in our lives. We are sometimes told that good will come out of this. Maybe some new laws and regulations will be studied, maybe foundations will be set up in memory of these victims to help many, many, people. Maybe mental health will be looked at and changes will be made in caring for the  mentally ill.. Maybe we will become more involved with our fellow man...and seek out these troubled souls to help them. I really believe that the stigma of mental illness has to be looked at with different eyes. Our state just closed a mental health facility in Rockford. They are pleading the case for reopening this facility on Jan. 10th. I do hope that this tragedy is fresh in the eyes of the powers that be. We need places for the troubled to get help.We can find the money somewhere. I have faith...the belief that this tragedy will have something  good coming from it. There's that word Faith...I use it all the time.
I looked up...what is Faith? The definition is  Strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof. I just have to trust that my Faith in God will help me now. None of us really know...we simply have to trust.
Well, I came home from Mass and decided not to turn on the news today. We'll have a typical Sunday for us. We'll read the paper, maybe watch the football game, talk on the phone to our kids, I'll prepare a nice meal and we will try to clear our heads of this tragedy....for just a day.
God bless us all,
Balisha

Wow...I just reread this before publishing and it sounds so preachy...Oh, well, these are things that are going around in  my old gray head this morning. Please bear with me...I'll be back tomorrow with something more upbeat.