A Sentiment

God knew what He was doing when He sent a gentle breeze and brought a lovely butterfly to set my heart at ease. The happiness of your friendship and the gentleness of your words have touched my life in special ways and now I feel assured. Thank you for your loyalty and for reading everyday. I only hope you find things to make a happy day.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Why Do I Blog?


I have friends and family who say..."Why do you tell things in a blog? You certainly tell a lot about your life. I would never do that...I like my privacy." My first answer would be that we are all different and live different lives and have different paths to the end of our lives. I never knew that I enjoyed writing, before I started this blog. I have a reason for starting it other than wanting to keep a journal.The reason I started to some would be very personal...but I want to share it, in case it could help someone. My first husband was diagnosed with tongue cancer on the very day he was to have his retirement party. We were devastated. We had both looked forward to retirement, and now this. We started a life that we were unfamiliar with. We lived in Dr. offices and hospitals. Our days were filled with tending to this horrible disease. My daughter lived in DC and wanted to know more details about what was going on with us. She gifted us with a computer so we could be in touch. When the computer arrived on a snowy night, my husband said, "What are we going to do with that?" Our daughter arrived for the holidays and unpacked the boxes and hooked it up. We were connected to the world wide web now. I had a few days of instructions and then she left for home. I was on my own....knowing mostly how to email. My husband never touched the computer...it was up to me. He really suffered with this cancer...he had to have most of his tongue removed, so he was very quiet from then on. He was loosing weight, so he had a feeding tube. I was his nurse at home. He would sit in his recliner and the IV stand was next to him. He watched TV or slept most of the time. When he couldn't sleep at night, I would say, "We can sleep anytime, we'll just stay up till you're tired." I didn't think about myself much in those days. All the attention was on him and trying to get him well again. The disease really brought us closer. We were both scared.We were in this together and we would win....was what we thought at first. So, there we were, him in his chair and me, many times passing the nights away on the computer. I found myself reading two blogs. One, and I can't remember the name, was written by a young woman who was pregnant. The blog took me through her pregnancy each day. The other was written by an Englishman...a poet. My daughter kind of chuckled when she heard that I was reading blogs. I could look into someone else's life and see their happiness. I would look forward to their next post.The nights were long and it was the loneliest time of my life. Here I was with my sick husband in the room across from me...he, not communicating and me trying to be quiet, so he could sleep. I started emailing people and got many inspirational things and loving letters from so many. I could read the jokes that people sent...sometimes I would copy things and give them to him to read. I think the computer kept me sane, and reading those blogs let me know that life was still going on for other people. They were happy and maybe we would be again someday.We continued on like that for a year. He finally was hospitalized and then in hospice care and he slowly passed away. We all have trying times in our lives...And I don't think it could have been worse for us. I think that those blogs were so helpful for me. I read about a baby being born to a young woman... and remembered better times, when I was in the same situation. The poet brought me pleasure...as I have always loved poetry. I just thought that maybe this could help someone who reads, who may be experiencing the same things that I did. Blogs are a good way to express our thoughts and maybe help someone along the way.
Thankfully my life has changed. I am remarried to a great guy. We were both married to our previous spouses for close to 50 yrs. They passed away within weeks of each other. We both were lonely and wanted to find someone to share our lives with. It really can happen again....after so much pain and sorrow...you can find happiness.
Balisha

21 comments:

Sue said...

I had to read this, as I have just discovered blogging the last few months, and am probably spending too much time at it. I am not content to just read 2 blogs. LOL I also have 2 blogs, a gardening one, and a Christian one. I like the title of your blog. That usually applies to my life. I can't imagine ever being bored, like some say they are at times.

My in-laws had cancer, and it was very difficult seeing them fade away. I imagine when it's your spouse, it's even harder. Thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad the internet was a blessing to you. And you are right, some people are more private than others, and they may be the very ones that benefit from reading what the others have to say. Keep it up! Sue

perennialgardener said...

It sounds like the computer was an outlet for you during a hard time in your life. I'm glad that it kept you connected to your family & helped you make new friends. You are blessed to have found happiness and companionship later on in life. I'm sure it was therapeutic for both of you. :)

Margie's Musings said...

How interesting and how tragic! I used to work in a dentist office and we always said when we saw oral cancer of any kind that it was just a matter of time.

When I was cleaning teeth, I often saw it. Those who chewed were the worst.

I am happy you were able to find happiness again.

Islandsparrow said...

Dear Balisha,

You certainly have gone through a difficult time. I'm so glad to know that you have found happiness again. Your story will be an inspiration to many.Thanks for sharing your story.

Many blessings

Kathie

OhioMom said...

(((Hugs Balisha)))

The internet has made it possible for us meet people that we might never have had the chance to know, keep blogging .. I love your stories of your woods and creatures, and I love reading how you have come through great heartache and found love a second time around.


The sunlight on the snow is magical .. great pic!

Nortehanon said...

Hi Balisha,

I am just starting to read your blog and I like the things that I've read here.

I am happy for you, that you have found love again.

Internet and blogging have also blessed me with good friends and with the opportunity to make children smile in my own little way.

Good luck and keep the posts coming :). Will be visiting your blog as often as possible.

Balisha said...

Hi Sue,
Thanks for reading and your nice comments.When I first got my computer...there weren't as many blogs as there are today. My goodness...you could read all day and not visit them all. You will find some that really speak to you and those are the ones you will read over and over.

Balisha said...

Hi Racquel,
You know, when I read those blogs a few years ago, I never left a comment. It would have been so much nicer if I had. It was a one way street with no interaction.

Balisha said...

Hi Margie,
My husband was a smoker.He found a small white spot on the side of his tongue and went right to the dentist.There was no pain there.

Balisha said...

Hi Kathie,
Thanks for reading my blog and leaving your comment.As I told Racquel...I never left comments and missed out on so much.

Balisha said...

Hi OhioMom,
Thanks for being such a faithful reader.The picture is one of my woods.It is small, but full of life.

Balisha said...

Good morning Nortehanon,
Thanks, so much, for reading. Blogging is very satisfying...especially if we share comments.I'll visit yours next. Have a great day.

Barbee' said...

Balisha, that is one of the sweetest things I have ever read. Thank you.

coolwaterworks said...

Hi Balisha...

Your entries have always been inspiring for me. You have a caring way of sowing insights to your readers through your daily musings in your everyday life. This is what I like about your blog and it keeps me to always visit and read...

The internet has been a blessing to us for we have interacted in a unique way - through comments in our blogs.

Your story here has given me an insight on how strong a person you are and on how committed you are to your loved ones... You really deserve your happiness...

God bless you always....

Balisha said...

Hi Mark,
Thankyou, so much, for your very kind remarks.I just think that in this world...we all should take care of each other. We should help where we are able.Have a great day and thanks again for being a faithful reader.

coolwaterworks said...

Hi Balisha,

Next week, the Philippines will be having its National Cancer Awareness Week. In support of this cause, I have linked this entry of yours to one of my posts in my blogsite. I believe that your story will inspire people who have friends or family members suffering from cancer. I hope you wouldn't mind... :)

Balisha said...

Wonderful, Mark,
I should have mentioned that I received support from a tongue cancer forum on the computer at that time.Whle reading, I received details about other people's experiences with new medications,new doctors, ways to fix food for someone without the ablity to chew, how to keep things upbeat.We exchanged information back and forth and wished each other well. We were in the same situation.

betchai said...

HI, I got here from Mark's Cancer Awareness Week. I am from Negros province to. I am thankful for the pieces of your life that you are sharing. I am glad you had something to do during those years in your life, and I admired you so much for being there with your husband, even in silence so he can sleep and staying up with him. Your story is very inspiring, let us see the faces of life we will go through, and you pictured it with strength. Thank you so much, and God bless you and your family. I am glad you were able to move on after that and blessed again with a love to share in your life.

Balisha said...

Hello Betchai,
Thanks for the comments that you left here.It seems that we all are connected....we all know someone who has suffered with cancer.The more attention we bring to it...the better for finding a cure.
By the way...I have visited your blog and you are an amazing photographer. I'll visit again soon.

ifoundme said...

Dear Balisha,

I was directed here through Mark's blog and I'm glad I took time to read your blog.

I know it's really hard to take care of a cancer patient and I know it has never been easy taking care of a loved one who's going through a lot.

May I include this entry in our list who wrote about cancer? This week is the national cancer awareness week here in our country and our province, together with our foundation, is actively promoting about prevention through letting the people know about accessibility of affordable treatment. there are patients and loved ones of patients who opt not to have treatment because of so many myths. that's why we are exerting effort to let them know the truth about cancer.

part of this advocacy also is to let the cancer patients know that a lot of people care about them. We have placed a board in a mall where people can write their messages of support and we also chose blogging to spread this advocacy.

After the caravan all through out our province for information dissemination, we will be showing all the entries and the notes to the cancer patients. We have to let them know that we really care.

Thank you Balisha and may God bless you always.

Balisha said...

Ifoundme,
It's fine with me if you use this post.Thanks for taking the time to read it..It was a hard time for my husband and myself. I see things now that we may have done differently, but he is at peace now. Thanks again