White Knuckles

My Ash tree out my window is just about leafless. Only a few stragglers are left.Pretty soon the world will slip into a beautiful world of white. I say this because though I love snow...I fear it. I feel safe now that I'm in my home and don't have to drive in the winter, if I choose not to. I always loved snow days...when my kids didn't have to go to school. Hot chocolate, board games, pajamas, sledding... everything kids do on a free day in the winter. I loved them...because I didn't have to drive anywhere. I always felt safe, when my family was all tucked in at night and no one was on the road. I still get that feeling even though there's just the two of us.In the car, driving up the road...one little slip and I grip the steering wheel, like there's no letting go.. I used to drive in the winter, but I never liked it. It was a necessity...to get to work, grocery store, to pick up the kids etc. Stopping at the store after the weather report and being in line with people buying toilet paper, milk, and bread...talking about the coming storm was a little exciting. Coming home and planning comfort food for my family to enjoy during the storm. My last little boy loved me to read him the Little House series. The Long Winter read while the snow was blowing outside was a favorite time for both of us. In this book the Ingalls family faces a blizzard....cut off from the rest of the world and having to make do and depend on each other...a wonderful story. In my art classes, I always loved to paint winter scenes. I loved to paint the black trunks of the bare trees, fence posts with snow piled on, snowmen, dark houses with a light in the window, little bushes with red berries and pathways to the house with snow piled on each side. I am always drawn to snow scenes when I see some art work.

Why all this talk about snow and bad weather? It's still fall, you say. Well, Joe is having surgery the day after Christmas and that means that I will be doing some winter driving.This surgery is something we both are dreading, but for Joe's sake...we hope that it's the answer to the pain he has been going through. We live almost an hour from the hospital and though the roads are well traveled near the hospital, there are less traveled roads the rest of the way.. He will have appointments and physical therapy after...probably most of the winter. Instead of looking forward to the white world...I am dreading it. We can't depend on family this time. They live far away and they have lives and jobs to deal with.So, it's up to us to solve this problem. One way, is one that I thought of...I will stay in a hotel near the hospital. That will alleviate driving back and forth. We have a physical therapy office here in our town...so he will have his treatments here and not so far away. I guess this is the year that I will have to face my fears and get rid of that white knuckle syndrome.I should be concentrating on Joe right  now and that's what I'm going to do.

Balisha