A Sentiment

God knew what He was doing when He sent a gentle breeze and brought a lovely butterfly to set my heart at ease. The happiness of your friendship and the gentleness of your words have touched my life in special ways and now I feel assured. Thank you for your loyalty and for reading everyday. I only hope you find things to make a happy day.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Beginning of a Journal


I'm going to try to keep a sort of journal here until I have my surgery on the 2nd. I thought I would tell what it's like to be perfectly healthy one minute and then have everything changed in my health overnight. We went to bed on Thursday night...just like any night and during the early morning hours, I had a grand mal seizure. Joe is a retired registered nurse and he took charge...calling the paramedics at once. Suddenly our bedroom was full of about 7 or 8 paramedics. They examined me and thought it best to take me to the hospital. Joe followed in the car. I have no memory of the trip there or my 3 hours in the emergency room. I was admitted and was taken to my room. I don't remember who was there other than Joe. I was told that I had a CT scan and an MRI. The funny thing is....I remember the MRI. I guess because people make so much of this test and I have always dreaded having one. To tell you the truth...I slept off and on during the noisy test. A tumor was found through testing and will be removed on the 2nd. My kids rallied around and supported me as did Joe's boys. Flowers, balloons, teddy bears etc. were enjoyed. Finally it was time to go home and I was ready for it. My stay at the hospital is sketchy...probably due to the medications. The thing that I wanted to tell here is how it feels to lose control of your life. Other people making the decisions...thinking for you. People talking behind your back. This can't be helped, I know....but when you've been so strong and self sufficient all your life, it's hard to give in and let others help. This is the way it will be till I'm finished with this crisis. I am glad that I have people who want to take care of me and who will deal with my emotion's. I guess that I won't be doing much gardening for the rest of the year. My yard will have to manage without the caretaker. I was so looking forward to fall this year and had plans to change things around a bit. I guess that I should count my blessings and forget the yardwork for one season.

Balisha

10 comments:

Margie's Musings said...

I certainly hope all be be fine after your surgery, Balisha

Gram said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers everyday. I know all too well the reality of one day all is well and the next your world stops. It happened to us when my husband was diagnosed with cancer 4 years ago. The Lord will see you through this.

Roses and Lilacs said...

It is hard to let go and put strangers in charge. Just keep your mind on the changes you want to make in your garden next spring;)

This too shall pass and soon you will be enjoying the cool fall weather and the wonderful fall colors.
Marnie

Roses and Lilacs said...

It is hard to let go and put strangers in charge. Just keep your mind on the changes you want to make in your garden next spring;)

This too shall pass and soon you will be enjoying the cool fall weather and the wonderful fall colors.
Marnie

Hocking Hills Gardener said...

The garden will be there and waiting for you when you are able to get back to it. Flowers are very patient with us ;-) Mine tends to grow in spite of my help.

Wsprsweetly Of Cottages said...

I am heart sick! What has happened to us..to you especially. And yes, I know exactly how it feels to lose control of your life. A bit of mine slipped away during this illness. It's frightening. Signing papers to let your children take over...that was upsetting.
I agree that this will pass..but it does not help that I am ...somewhere in California and cannot even stop in and fix you a cup of tea...
I know..the children are there. Mine too..but it's times like these that we realize that...we are so vulnerable! My surgery date has not been determined but I am on the schedule.
One day we are fine...
I understand.
You are going to be fine..because I won't let you be anything else, Balisha!!!

coolwaterworks said...

Hello Balisha,
I am both saddened and strengthened by this post...

Thank you for sharing this. I am praying for you...

God bless you always...

Sue said...

Please know that I am thinking of you. It was such a shock to read your past few posts. I have been neglectful in reading my friends' blogs, I am so sorry... Rely on the love of your friends and family to help you through it all.
hugs, Sue

cwa said...

I continue to pray for you each day. Hopefully the time leading up to your surgery will just fly by, and you will be on the mend soon. I'm sure your flowers will understand your absence and just look forward to seeing you next spring. Continued blessings to you.

A Stitch In Thyme said...

Goodmorning. I came by way of wsprsweetly cottages/Mona. I'm terribly sorry to hear of your tumor. I will include you in my prayers along with the others who suffer so.

I assume they can give you no further infor until they go in and remove the tumor. I will certainly pray for it to be benign and harmless.

Stay strong, put your eyes and heart to God and may you come through this singing in the recovery room. :)

I've been known a time or two to sing coming out of anethesia.