What Should I Do?

Apples are coming into season right about now. Our little store in town had Honey Crisp apples in their ad last week. They were expensive, but they looked so perfect. I love a crisp, sort of sweet plus tart, juicy apple. During the winter, I ate so many that had no flavor. I eat apples quite often and have them in the evening for a snack. I cut them in wedges, and put a dab of peanut butter in a bowl with the apple wedges around to dip in. Sometimes I slice a couple slices of cheddar cheese. Most of the time I eat them as is. Well, back to my dilemma...should I spend the extra money on these or buy the Gala that were on sale? I decided to buy just two. I think I figured  that they cost about $1 apiece. Well, after eating one...I can say that they were well worth the money spent. This week, I'll try to find them cheaper at a bigger store, but for last night...I had a wonderful treat.

This brings me to my post for today...do you ever treat yourself to something special...something that may cost more than you usually spend? Maybe it's that new coffee pot for your kitchen, or those new shoes, or a special book. Do you go ahead and buy it without guilt or try to  justify your buying it. I have been wanting to subscribe to a magazine for several months. It's a foreign magazine and is much more that I would ordinarily spend on a subscription. I keep telling myself that I would enjoy it this winter, when it's bad weather, and we are cooped up in the house. I tell myself that maybe I would see new ideas for my garden next year or new recipes. I say to myself that I would save all the issues for the year and not subscribe next year...but read the old ones. I've cut down on my subscribing and get most of the magazines from the library...so I feel that I could spend the extra money that I saved on this magazine. I say to myself, " Would I really get more pleasure out of this than subscribing to maybe 3 other magazines?" These thoughts have been going through my head for a couple of months. I've gone to Amazon and almost clicked on the subscription...then deleted many times over. Why am I like this? I had to examine my feelings about it. I think that I still, after nearly 75 yrs., feel guilty about buying something expensive for myself. I grew up during the war years and we had little left over at the end of the month. A treat for me was having Dad give me $5 when Mom and I would go to Chicago to see the Christmas lights. I didn't spend the $5 on me...I bought Christmas presents for my family with it. Then when I was married and living from pay check to pay check those first years....I would always spend extra money on my kids. They always needed something...and I loved to see their faces light up when we could afford a new toy. I have always shopped at thrift shops...looking for name brands. There is no need for me to continue this....I can afford this magazine, but I am still troubled by spending the extra money on myself.I think that writing this has helped me figure it out. Writing a post in a blog is like going to a therapist sometimes. I write these things down...go back and read them a second time and learn from my words how my mind works. I can go way back in my archives and see how I've changed. I don't have to justify it anymore...I am going to Amazon and order that magazine.

Balisha